Routine

Every day, I wake up, make a cup of coffee, and write. Sometimes this is at 4 am, sometimes 4 pm, depending on my work schedule, but I always write first. Most days, this first writing could include how yesterday went, something funny my kids said, how I'm sleeping, what I want to improve on, a worry for my parents, notes about a story I'm working on, someone I admire, or whatever else may come to mind when I'm staring at the blinking cursor. Usually, this is short and I'm done after 300-600 words. It lasts about as long as it takes to drink one cup of coffee, maybe two. But on a rare morning, I might surprise myself and a thought flows out around 2000 words. I have no idea what I will write until it is written. I feel no pressure for it to be good, beautiful, long, or inspired. The only pressure I feel is to get words on the page.

Journal. Diary. Notes. Log. It doesn't matter what you call it. I enjoy the routine of it. The grind. I feel proud. Focused. I might read it over in that moment, but once the day's entry is closed, it's forgotten. I haven't found myself going back to re-read entries from prior days. It is through the writing, not the reading of my writing, that brings me relief.

If you care, The software I use is iA Writer. It has different settings to minimize distractions and it syncs with the app on my phone. Focus Mode highlights the sentence or paragraph you're writing and the rest of the page is grayed out. It is simple. There is no noise. Everything fades away and it is lovely. The file is in markdown, which pastes seamlessly into this website without any formatting issues. Occasionally for the website, I'll add a little bit of code that makes the first letter of the first paragraph larger, called a drop cap, and the rest of the paragraph wraps around it.

I see my reflection in this cursor blinking away, challenging, daring, clicking the metronome of my life. The cursor blinks whether words come out or not and it reminds me of time passing. Potential. Either text or white space, it is a written self-portrait.